Looking back, I knew I should have done things differently. Saying that provides no comfort, but I repeat it to myself because I feel it should. I know in my heart that I have already done what I did and no regret in the world will undo it. But I still can�t help but feel regret. The bottom line is that because of me around 20 people are dead. In some ways, the worst of it is I was never punished for it. I keep asking myself; �Do I deserve to be punished?� in some ways yes, and in others no. I should have thought to search the 8 year old girl as well, but it never occurred to me that he would be sick enough to do something like that. It happened back in �97, when I was a police guard in Heathrow airport. I had the job of searching people as they passed through the metal detecting doors. As I child it always seemed like such an interesting job. I had the power to tell people what to do. I decided whether they went onto the aeroplane or not. Of course, it was only when I was older and had been working in the job for a good 8 years that I realised the huge responsibility that came wit......

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